Self-Directed Metta Meditation

About This Meditation

For many people, the most difficult person to direct loving-kindness toward is themselves. Years of self-criticism, perfectionism, and internalized beliefs about unworthiness can make the simple phrase may I be happy feel almost confrontational. The self-directed metta meditation acknowledges this difficulty directly and provides a gentle, patient pathway through it. Rather than forcing self-love, the practice begins where you actually are—even if that means starting with may I be willing to be kind to myself—and gradually deepens as your resistance softens. This approach is informed by the work of meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg, who has written extensively about the blocks to self-metta and the transformative power of persevering through them. Salzberg notes that many practitioners experience what she calls backdraft—an initial worsening of self-critical thoughts when they first attempt self-directed kindness, as if the warmth of compassion is melting decades of frozen self-judgment. This is normal and actually a sign that the practice is working. The meditation includes specific techniques for working with this resistance, including using imagery (imagining yourself as a child) and touch (placing a hand on your heart) to bypass the cognitive objections that often arise. Over time, regular self-metta practice has been shown to reduce self-criticism, increase self-acceptance, and paradoxically improve performance and motivation—because people who treat themselves with kindness are more resilient in the face of failure and more willing to take meaningful risks.

More Loving-Kindness Meditations